Sunday, October 21, 2012

Grief anticipated.

Writing is like an anchor for me these days.  Even when (especially when?)  I mostly write for myself.

Sometimes I am in silent shock thinking that in only 4 days we'll get the ok to go get her.

Other times I can't believe I have to wait 4 MORE days to get the ok to go get here.

I've gone beyond the highlight real in my head... not anticipating each "first..." Well,  not *just* anticipating each first.  I think a lot about the logistics of our day to day and what that will look like.  Teaching a toddler English. Feeding her hungry belly.  Comforting her grieving heart.  Showing her that this is forever.

And grief there will be.
Away from her nannies.
Away from her friends.
Away from her language.
Away from her food.
Away from her climate.
Away from her music.
Away from her culture.
Away from her life.


Into a family who has been waiting desperately to love her.  Waiting for 2/3 of her little life.  Anxiously waiting to know her.

But the truth is, we are terrifyingly unknown to her, and separated by so many differences.  It will take time,  patience, and an astonishing amount of grace to make it to the other side.

And yes,  bringing her home will be one of the top 4 moments of my life.  But we are not expecting miracles.  We are expecting exhaustion, frustration, heartache, and struggle.  Parenting isn't for wimps, yo.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Expect the miracles, too. We can only know true joy if we've experienced true sorrow. Your girl will have more sorrow, to be sure, but she will also have more joy. So expect the miracles, too.