Wednesday, October 17, 2012


When I decided last week that I would start blogging all things adoption,  I decided I would try to be transparent about all of it.

Because sometimes people only talk or write about when things are going swimmingly and life is perfect.  And then those of us with less than perfect days or lives feel less than.  And that's just stupid because everyone is sometimes less than,  and sometimes it helps to have that reminder.  So,  yeah.

I've made no bones about the fact that parts of this are exceptionally difficult.  From the very beginning of when we started inquiring about doing a pre-identified adoption, it took some deep dark twists and we thought it just wouldn't happen.

But then things happened to open up and usher us down this path,  and here we sit,  hopefully nearing the end of this part of the story.

Then this morning, SLAM.  Another delay.  The specifics don't even matter that much,  and I feel protective of Sitota's history.  Suffice it to say,  the embassy wants to interview someone whom our agency hasn't been able to locate.  We provided the letter from the police and the ads that we ran in the paper,  but still they ask for more.

It might just shake out that it was an error.  That someone wasn't paying attention.  I hope and pray and when I'm feeling optimistic, I even think that that is the case,  and that tomorrow we will get another email saying,  "Just kidding!"  Or maybe our case will be processed differently and it will be a short delay and not the HUGE one that this has the potential of being.

But for now,  the weight of every delay and every pause and every question that we've experienced in the last 2 years has taken up residency in my chest cavity.  I'm tired.  It's hard to breathe.  I'm sad and feeling funky.

Normal stupid things,  like breaking my phone and forgetting my wallet and buying a new dishwasher feel heavier that they might have yesterday.  And the weight of the wait is multiplying with each passing hour.

People who've done this before us say that soon enough,  when we're tucking her in and experiencing her tantrums and becoming a family,  this wait will fade and the pain lessens.  Like the pain of labor.

I'm just longing for that day.

I'm thankful for all of the support that you all have given us,  and continue to give us...

Thank you.

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